Showing posts with label Buddhism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buddhism. Show all posts

Thursday, October 6, 2016

The Ghost and Miss Cat, Part 2

It has been a couple of weeks since we booted the spectral squatter from Erin’s basement.
In the meantime, the house has returned to a state of quiet serenity (at least as far as spiritual entities are concerned) and I can walk into the mudroom and stand on the stairs to the basement without wanting to retch.

I’ve been attempting to recollect the exact chain of events that occurred when we fire-and-pitchforked into the Murder Room, and it is still kind of hazy. If Erin and Nate hadn’t been there, I might not be able to remember enough to type this post. Whatever was down there must have had an effect on me. While I was exorcising it, I was perfectly calm and collected. For a couple of weeks before cleansing the basement, I had been having awful dizzy spells, thanks to a combination of prescription medication that did weird things to my blood pressure. But in the Murder Room, faced with the entity, I was chill. No vertigo (I have a theory about that, which I mention near the end of this post).

A lot went down in the Murder Room, enough that it daunts me a bit to string together the episodes into story form. So here are the main bullet points, as accurate as we can piece together:

- Enter basement.

- Immediately, the area feels heavy, hot, wet, dark, gross.

- Nate finds a central spot where the energy feels really rough, I sage the shit out of it.

- Erin sees troughs of dirt along the upper foundation, and I sage the shit out of that, too.

- The back corner is the worst, where the only original part of the house remains – a brick chimney base.

- SAGE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

- I set up my cauldron full of Morrigan incense (mixture courtesy of Silver Ravenwolf) and my statue of Santisima Muerte.

- Nate confined the entity to the corner by the chimney.

- We noticed that there were some odd markings in paint on the base stair, Nate and I realized they looked like the alchemical/shamanic signs for “earth” and what looked to be a cross between “sun” and “salt.” We decide to salt it, then throw salt in every corner.

- Nate drew the shamanic symbol for “fire” on the concrete floor and outlined it with matches, setting a candle in the middle of the symbol, and communicated with the ghost. Apparently it was really, REALLY pissed, especially at me.

- I had given Erin a bell, and she waved it enthusiastically in the direction of the spirit. Every time I invoked a deity or commanded the spirit to leave, Erin would dangle the bell, saying, “And I have a BELL!” She did a great job, for being an agnostic atheist.

- I thought that confronting the spirit with its own mortality would scare it into leaving. I set my statue of La Santa Muerte in front of it and tried talking to it. At one point I saw, in my mind’s eye, the face of a man, shorter than me, about 5’6”, who was glaring at me with a particular sense of loathing. I glared right back and it scoffed, turning and sitting down by the chimney. Apparently this guy was all bluster, ego, and mansplaining while alive. I toss salt in its face. Dean Winchester would be proud of me.


La Santa Muerte Blanca
Durga Maa
The Morrigan by ByTheOak via deviantART

- Nothing seemed to be working. I invoked Morrigan, La Santa, Durga, pick your badass feminine death deity; it just made the spirit angry.

And then I tried something different, on a whim. Not even thinking about it, I calmly began chanting the mantra to the bodhisattva Arya Tara, who has been my go-to girl since I met her at the local Kadampa Buddhist Center in 2011. It goes:

“Öm tare tuttare ture söha.” (“I prostrate to the Liberator, Mother of all the Victorious Ones.”)

((I have included links to a couple of websites that has a great explanation of the mantra, and how it serves to liberate beings from samsara.))

Here’s a description from the Kadampa tradition:

“‘Tara’ means ‘Rescuer’. She is so called because she rescues us from the eight outer fears (the fears of lions, elephants, fire, snakes, thieves, water, bondage, and evil spirits), and from the eight corresponding inner fears (the fears of pride, ignorance, anger, jealousy, wrong views, attachment, miserliness, and deluded doubts).

Temporarily Tara saves us from the dangers of rebirth in the three lower realms, and ultimately she saves us from the dangers of samsara and solitary peace.”

Dayum.

After reciting the mantra, I had calmed down enough to actually talk to the spirit instead of commanding it. I told it, resignedly, that it needed to leave because it would not find any happiness by staying in the house and harassing the occupants. Speaking gently but firmly, I advised it to try and pass on. I was exhausted, and I could feel the entity in the corner, no longer posturing or puffing itself up in defense, but pouting, as if it had been given an earful to digest and was deciding what to do.

“I don’t think I can do any more here,” I sighed, gathering my tools and walking upstairs with Erin. 

“I’ve exhausted my arsenal and there is only so much I can do as an officiant. It’s up to the spirit to make a decision. And dammit, I’m tired.”

Tea followed. Lots of tea. Followed by a booze or two. I went home and saged myself and my tools, took a spiritual bath, and conked out in my bed, Trixy attendant. I went back to the usual dizziness, which caused me to think that perhaps my deities or spirit guides were grounding me during the exorcism so I could focus and stay safe. I probably couldn’t have remained calm during the procedure if I was feeling all sorts of negative juju, and fear probably would have made it stronger.

I spoke to my therapist about the encounter the next day, and she mentioned that it made sense that the spirit responded to loving kindness and not threats or aggression. Tara is the Buddha that people go to for help. Her aspect of Green Tara is known as the Rescuer, or Liberator, and it shows in her posture: She sits upon a lotus, with one knee bent in contemplation and the other leg outstretched so that she can jump off of her throne at any time and hurry to our rescue (she is also a wind element, hence the speed!). In her puja, which is kind of like a Catholic liturgy, she is described as being the one whom “evil spirits, demons, smell-eaters, and givers of harm all offer praise.” Basically, girl is the OG and even nasty entities respect her, because she cares about every sentient being and wants to help them break free from the bondage of suffering.

According to the housemates, the spirit has not done anything since the exorcism. In fact, it has buggered off. Murder Room has gone back to being a basement. I recall, only now, that Nate had been communicating with the entity some time before the cleansing, and he said that it was the father of a family that had lived there in the past. There was also a mother and a child, but the only one causing problems was the dad. It made sense that he was harassing Erin, who is basically the house mother; perhaps she reminded him of his wife. He seemed some sort of misogynist jerk, so it’s interesting that a woman kicked his spectral ass.

Tara, you fucking rock, girl.

Arya Tara courtesy of Tharpa Publications

“Actually, we are also asking to be liberated from the misery of the mental delusions and negative emotions that blind us to true freedom, and to achieve the same enlightened body, speech and mind that Tara represents, not only for our own benefit, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.”

Blessed be, cats and kits.

Helpful links:

http://kadampa.org/buddhism/tara-puja

https://www.yowangdu.com/tibetan-buddhism/green-tara-mantra.html

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Bingo Night of the Soul

One of the few times I've played Bingo, I got a blackout. And wow, was it great in a mediocre sort of way.

Being ADD, it kind of sucked to sit through all the number and letter combinations being called, and repeated, for those not paying attention. There were times when I wanted to just give the hell up and go get more pancakes (this was at Pancakes and Bingo night in college. Self-explanatory.). Anyway, when I got a blackout I scored bag of cheap plastic toys from the Dollar Store and a pencil with one of those rubber aliens that fuck around while you try to do homework.

A Dark Night of the Soul is kind of like that, but the actual game sucks harder and the prizes are a lot better than crappy alien pen hats.

*****

I'm a skeptic at heart, and it kind of sucks.

There are times when all that "love and light" shit makes sense to me, and elsetimes it just sounds stupid. Trite. Meme-like. But that's none of my business.

Anyway, as witchy and spiritually-oriented as I am I can't help but try and rationalize the purpose of magickal workings. Sort of like psychoanalyzing my spiritual practice. When I feel the twinge of power outside of myself, or an altered state of consciousness, is it a placebo effect? Are my trances psychosomatic? I really wish I could push those intruding notions aside, but they are sort of rooted in me like a malignant kind of parasite. I guess doubt is kind of parasitic. But at the same time, it exists for a reason.

Doubt is a facet of instinct, and instinct is what kept our ancestors alive long enough to evolve and carry on a lineage. I really do think that a certain amount of skepticism is healthy. How often do we hear about somebody who adhered to their religion or political ideals so much that they hurt people who didn't believe the same as they did? Just check the front page of your least-favorite news website. Actually, don't. You know it's gonna be there.

Skepticism sometimes works in a way that actually reaffirms the beliefs we doubted before. There was a cool dude named John of the Cross who wrote a beautiful metaphorical poem about finding truth through doubt. He called it "The Dark Night of the Soul." In this poem (and adjoining commentary) he likened the person searching for the Divine through the darkness of doubt to a lover searching in the night for her beloved. It's damn beautiful. Some of the greatest luminaries and mystics went through periods of intense skepticism. Thérèse of Lisieux, Paul of the Cross, Mother Theresa of Calcutta all went through it.

Yes, I just listed a bunch of Catholics, but I'll remind you that I was raised in Mother Rome's brood since I was a chicklet and some things are just base knowledge at this point. 16 plus years of theological study, ahoy! And spirituality really transcends religion, doesn't it? By the way, speaking of enlightenment, a fabulous non-Christian example of someone who found the light in the darkness was Buddha Shakyamuni. Kind of an obvious one. I'd love to hear from you about luminaries from other religions who have experienced the Dark Night in some form or other. Post in the comments!

I think I've been in my own Dark Night since I was a late teen. It weirdly coincided with my depression getting really bad*. Before the Dark Night came around, I was pretty connected with my spirituality. I was a cradle Catholic and just dipping my toes into pagan waters with a couple of friends at our Catholic high school. I still felt something when I prayed the rosary or communicated with faeries. Then all of a sudden, nothing. I was pretty lost at first, but I've since become pretty calm when faced with my spiritual shadow. Not having those tingles in my soul makes it much easier to think rationally about philosophies that I had previously taken for granted, and as such I was able to weed out thoughts and practices that didn't jive with me. It led me toward Buddhism and Christian mysticism as well as ancient Celtic philosophies.

It can still be disappointing when I chat with spiritually attuned friends about their experiences (I have a very close friend who is a fellow empath as well as a budding medium, and she is able to tune in to Spirit in a way that I currently am blocked from). I want to feel that connection. But I just gently remind myself that I'm on a different trail leading back to the main Path. And weirdly, I have finally been able to connect in small ways this past year or so. I'll post more on that later.

When I was in session with my therapist yesterday we got on the topic of the Dark Night of the Soul. She gave me some good validation as only a shrink can, explaining that the Night was basically a form of introspection, like the Jungian idea of the assimilation of the shadow self. I won't get too much into that, since my aim is spirituality and not psychology (though I do enjoy studying the latter). But it is definitely something I'd like to revisit at another time.

The Dark Night is not that scary. I'm just making my way through in order to get that alien pet hat.

*****

"The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed."
Joseph Campbell, from A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious." - Carl Jung

*(NOTE: a Dark Night of the Soul and depression are very different things. This link provides a good explanation and distinction between the two ((http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/depression-dark-night-soul/)). I do NOT condone replacing psychiatric treatment with religion. Just sayin.')