It ain't easy witchin'.

Really, though. As much as I love my spirituality, it can be a massive source of anxiety for me as far as being "out" as a witch is concerned. There are so many negative connotations to the title, thanks to years of religious defamation and persecution, so of course it will take a long time for pagans to dismantle the stereotypes that have been piled upon their practice. But wow, it sucks.

I grew up a Catholic in the Bible Belt, which came with its own stresses, but this is a different bag of fun. Most people in the Midwest automatically assume that you are a Christian (I do consider myself Gnostic, but they wouldn't get that reference, Steve Rogers) and some can become horribly offended if you are not. In some pockets of Kansas, folks will try to "save" you and it gets annoying. Most Christians will leave you alone, but there just has to be that contingent of people who need to get all up in a stranger's business. Anyway, if you tell one of these nosy people you are a witch, they go "GET BEHIND ME, SATAN!" and all but try to exorcise you. Okay, so that's hyperbole, but most people do back up a step or two when you drop the "w" word.

What bothers me most is my family's reaction. I understand, to a degree. My mom is a second-wave feminist, Vietnam War protester, flower child type, and while my beliefs are still confusing to her, she does try to understand and ask me questions. She has told me about doing candle rituals and attempting peyote back in the early 70's and her interest in history and mythology lend an academic approach to how she questions me. I think she is interested in the idea of the Divine Feminine to a degree as well, but at her core she is solidly Christian and that's great.

The one who makes things really difficult is my dad.

I love my papa. He is my hero. He is Irish Catholic, a Marine, and stoic as all hell. But my mom recently divulged to me that my dad doesn't like me "doing that witchcraft shit." Thanks to his upbringing, my dad likens witchcraft and its attendant practices to devil worship. Never mind that his Catholic relatives in Ireland practice various forms of folk magic, as do most societies. I've tried explaining over and over that the word "witch" comes from the old English word "wicce," meaning "wise one." That the original witches were herbalists, healers, keepers of local history and wisdom. Doesn't matter. In his mind, my denouncing Catholicism - I suppose one would call it "apostasy" - is tantamount to a mortal sin. He knows I'm a kind person, but he thinks I'm mixed up in the wrong things. Kind of like when I was fifteen and started wearing black, and my dad said, "No daughter of mine is gonna be a Goth!"

What people don't seem to understand is, even though I'm kind of muddling around in a fog right now, I pretty much know what I'm doing. I'm not contacting primordial forces of darkness to kill my ex-boyfriend (though the thought is tempting). I'm not using Ouija or hexing people. Actually, more than anything else I'm approaching my practice from a scholarly point of view. Hell, a couple of posts ago I had a works cited section! I ground myself with white light, I call upon my spirit guides and guardian angel when I tap in, I cleanse the heck out of my space with sage and sweetgrass, I even pray to the saints on occasion (Anthony helps me track down my lost keys all the time). My confirmation saint, Hildegard von Bingen, was pretty damn close to being a witch. I guess what I'm trying to say is, whatever I practice, it is not even close to people's idea of dark magick. It is certainly not Satan worship, and by the way, Satanism isn't what you think it is, but that's a digression for another post.

And you know what? Even if I did worship Satan and sacrifice dust bunnies or whatever, as long as I am not hurting anyone, MY PRACTICES ARE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. Even if I tell people what I believe in, it is not an invitation to vivisect those beliefs. They are important to me, and to have someone try and cast aspersions upon them is tantamount to an attack on me as a person.

Actually, here's an idea. Don't judge people or denigrate their spirituality. It's a douchey thing to do. Unless they are causing physical or emotional harm, leave them alone and let them be happy with the way they jive with whatever deity or deities they consider paramount (or don't consider at all). We are, as humans, all just trying to answer the same questions. I think of different spiritual paths like this; we have different personalities, likes and dislikes, and so why should we all follow the same script? Some people like ritual, some people like solitary practices, some people like the idea of enlightenment as the supreme ideal, some people want comfort and community. Religion as a cultural entity also means that regional differences will inform a person's spiritual beliefs. I dunno, this all seems obvious to me, but I tend to ruminate on weird things.

So, I suppose I've gone and rambled on again. Know that I love you all. Signing off.

Blessed be, cats and kits.