It ain't easy witchin'.

Really, though. As much as I love my spirituality, it can be a massive source of anxiety for me as far as being "out" as a witch is concerned. There are so many negative connotations to the title, thanks to years of religious defamation and persecution, so of course it will take a long time for pagans to dismantle the stereotypes that have been piled upon their practice. But wow, it sucks.

I grew up a Catholic in the Bible Belt, which came with its own stresses, but this is a different bag of fun. Most people in the Midwest automatically assume that you are a Christian (I do consider myself Gnostic, but they wouldn't get that reference, Steve Rogers) and some can become horribly offended if you are not. In some pockets of Kansas, folks will try to "save" you and it gets annoying. Most Christians will leave you alone, but there just has to be that contingent of people who need to get all up in a stranger's business. Anyway, if you tell one of these nosy people you are a witch, they go "GET BEHIND ME, SATAN!" and all but try to exorcise you. Okay, so that's hyperbole, but most people do back up a step or two when you drop the "w" word.

What bothers me most is my family's reaction. I understand, to a degree. My mom is a second-wave feminist, Vietnam War protester, flower child type, and while my beliefs are still confusing to her, she does try to understand and ask me questions. She has told me about doing candle rituals and attempting peyote back in the early 70's and her interest in history and mythology lend an academic approach to how she questions me. I think she is interested in the idea of the Divine Feminine to a degree as well, but at her core she is solidly Christian and that's great.

The one who makes things really difficult is my dad.

I love my papa. He is my hero. He is Irish Catholic, a Marine, and stoic as all hell. But my mom recently divulged to me that my dad doesn't like me "doing that witchcraft shit." Thanks to his upbringing, my dad likens witchcraft and its attendant practices to devil worship. Never mind that his Catholic relatives in Ireland practice various forms of folk magic, as do most societies. I've tried explaining over and over that the word "witch" comes from the old English word "wicce," meaning "wise one." That the original witches were herbalists, healers, keepers of local history and wisdom. Doesn't matter. In his mind, my denouncing Catholicism - I suppose one would call it "apostasy" - is tantamount to a mortal sin. He knows I'm a kind person, but he thinks I'm mixed up in the wrong things. Kind of like when I was fifteen and started wearing black, and my dad said, "No daughter of mine is gonna be a Goth!"

What people don't seem to understand is, even though I'm kind of muddling around in a fog right now, I pretty much know what I'm doing. I'm not contacting primordial forces of darkness to kill my ex-boyfriend (though the thought is tempting). I'm not using Ouija or hexing people. Actually, more than anything else I'm approaching my practice from a scholarly point of view. Hell, a couple of posts ago I had a works cited section! I ground myself with white light, I call upon my spirit guides and guardian angel when I tap in, I cleanse the heck out of my space with sage and sweetgrass, I even pray to the saints on occasion (Anthony helps me track down my lost keys all the time). My confirmation saint, Hildegard von Bingen, was pretty damn close to being a witch. I guess what I'm trying to say is, whatever I practice, it is not even close to people's idea of dark magick. It is certainly not Satan worship, and by the way, Satanism isn't what you think it is, but that's a digression for another post.

And you know what? Even if I did worship Satan and sacrifice dust bunnies or whatever, as long as I am not hurting anyone, MY PRACTICES ARE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. Even if I tell people what I believe in, it is not an invitation to vivisect those beliefs. They are important to me, and to have someone try and cast aspersions upon them is tantamount to an attack on me as a person.

Actually, here's an idea. Don't judge people or denigrate their spirituality. It's a douchey thing to do. Unless they are causing physical or emotional harm, leave them alone and let them be happy with the way they jive with whatever deity or deities they consider paramount (or don't consider at all). We are, as humans, all just trying to answer the same questions. I think of different spiritual paths like this; we have different personalities, likes and dislikes, and so why should we all follow the same script? Some people like ritual, some people like solitary practices, some people like the idea of enlightenment as the supreme ideal, some people want comfort and community. Religion as a cultural entity also means that regional differences will inform a person's spiritual beliefs. I dunno, this all seems obvious to me, but I tend to ruminate on weird things.

So, I suppose I've gone and rambled on again. Know that I love you all. Signing off.

Blessed be, cats and kits.

First Impressions

(Dated August 24th, 2016)

Finally had a chat with Mama Hecate last night. I was pretty exhausted due to not having slept the night before, so I asked her not to expect too much of me.It took me a while to get my spiritual space set up, as my altar needed some MAJOR cleaning and dusting. I also had to do last-minute research on certain herbs and gemstones. I had totally forgotten if my black crystals were jet, onyx, obsidian, black tourmaline, or Apache's tear (turns out I had all but the Apache's tear!).

Also, I had a pot of tea brewing, a hodgepodge of Hekate's favorite herbs. Here's the recipe I concocted:

1 tbsp. jasmine flowers
1/2 tsp. spearmint
1 tsp. lavender flowers
1 inch cinnamon stick
1 tbsp. chamomile
1 tsp. lemon verbena

Additional herbs that are safe to use: mullein, vervain, mugwort.

Put ingredients in a French press and add hot water. You can also use your coffee maker or just make the tea loose leaf and then strain it. Add honey if you wish. I prefer mine neat. I filled a sake cup with the tea as a libation to place on my altar.

I'm still deciding on the final setup of my altar to Hekate, but here are the basics of what I did:

The altar is next to my bedroom door. I don't have a lot of space so I make do with what I have. In lieu of an altar cloth I laid a gauzy red scarf on my small, half-moon table. From left to right:incense and burner; abalone shell with sage and sweetgrass bundle; in the center, a mirror, in front of which I have three tea lights, and in front of that I placed my pentacle disc, and upon that I perched a black taper in a holder. To the right of all this I set a small vial of red wine, a black seven day candle, and my pendulum box. I had placed to tarot cards from the Connolly tarot deck on my altar as well, The High Priestess and The Hermit. I feel that these two cards most accurately describe the state in which I approach Hekate at this time.

To attain maximum witchy ambience, my next task was peppering the room with candles and turning out the lights. Poof! Instant underworld! Throw in some jasmine incense and you've got the perfect atmosphere for encountering the Lady of the Crossroads. Seated on a poofy ottoman, uncomfortably skyclad I had the A/C on), I had all of the trappings perfect.

Next came the hard part.

What exactly does one expect to happen when attempting to chat with a deity? I had no clue what I was doing. I decided to use my tool of choice, words, and introduced myself to Hekate Soteira. I made it pretty darn clear what my intentions were in contacting her, including making sure to note that she asked me to call. Being an empath, I can detect some level of energy fluctuation, but my stupid ADD makes meditating entering a state of trance almost impossible to accomplish. Most of the "phone call" was me undergoing introspection therapy, and through that rambling I realized that I really don't know what it is I want.

Happiness? Security? Communion with the Divine? What the hell, I don't know!

I had dressed a small black taper, carved with my magickal name, and waited until it burned out to tie things up. Trixy, my black cat and snuggly familiar, asked to enter the bedroom at one point, so I introduced her to Hekate as well.

I'm afraid that I don't have a spirit-altering encounter to record here. The ritual was pretty mundane in comparison to what I was hoping for. Not that it was a waste of time, far from that. I suppose I've been thinking that I could enter a different state of consciousness if I did everything right and maybe through that I could understand a little better what I am doing in the dark. But really, if you find what you are searching for within minutes of starting out, then you just weren't paying attention to begin with!

I expect there will be many more one-sided conversations between here and connection.

(8-24-16, 3:50 p.m.)